circus

most days
I am not sure what I'm doing
flying or falling
how quickly feelings change
when you once again
remember the tug of gravity

regret

often
I have regretted
things I've said and
the bitter taste they've left in me
and the damage
they have done to others.
I have never regretted
holding back
words, or words about feelings
even though I'm told
it's best to tell people
how you see things.
even faced with loss
I have not regretted the unsaid
because those who go before us
already know by then
but something said in haste
cannot be taken back.

suchen

beyond my need to control
lies the apathy
I can't pull myself from the sheets

there are days I give up
give into the loneliness
let it wash over me
until I am drenched in paralysis

as it dries
eventually
I can find the strength
to sit up
stand
make the bed
and keep searching for my place in the world

she

somewhere inside

past the numbing of the anger

she wonders how much she’ll have to give up

to find herself in all the chaos

loveless lovers circle the past

and the communion she now shares

was bought with the

death of another

she’s not foolish, she’s not ugly

wonder what she sees behind the glass

she is so much deeper than

she seems to know

flying high one day

he aches in her bones the next

my hand never reaches quite far enough

to pull her from the past

she’s not dragging herself out

just waiting for another knight

to give her the safety

she can’t give herself

gilded cage

in your arms

are security without peace

love without trust

an extraordinary life

in a gilded cage

I could never say yes

still, somehow held on

to the idea that it could change

I could be myself

pressing coffee in the morning

to your sweet smile

rather than watching your regimen

of medications

and moody judgment

I couldn’t hold us both up

forever

I could never say yes

to living in that kind of bondage

tied to your self-pity and power

as I struggled to tread lightly

remain unbruised

unnoticed

your chain of indifference around my wrists, my neck

except when I could turn your disposition

to something that more resembled

the extraordinary life

that held us together

the vision of something better

that we could never attain