More.

© Kris Rodammer

you get what you give

© Kris Rodammer - Boston

domestic life

the mundane becomes my escape
into the gray spaces
devoid of thought or opinion
no need to overanalyze the trivial moments
when the only thing to do is clean up

emotion absent
pressed into the corners of the past
pinched and swept until the room is clean
almost clinical
but free from memory

water boils
pause momentarily
sit and watch the rivers stream down
the glass panes
habitually breathe cool air
across the meniscus of tea
and feel the steam on
the skin I thought was dry

dinner is another chore
the cracked hands working expertly
to stir and shake
what was cold and raw
into something appetizing

is it all for me
or just another show
for whomever may come by
I am living this prayer
to rewrite the ending I see

this is the act of the séance
to twist fate
and buy a new future
either way
it is time to put the past in the grave
and find energy in the routine
wipe the mirror so the glass is clear
and the spots don't distort the reflection.

Cuticle

I have given you
my naked thoughts
unadulterated with the poisons
of other people's expectations
I have shown you
exceeding amounts
of what lies beneath these red curls,
in the shadows of my eyes
I have given you
permissions that
others took as liberties
and yet
you want more of who I am
what I give is not enough
you want me to
peel back
layers of flesh and inducements
reveal the parts I save just for myself
the parts that would
bleed
if uncovered,
this thin skin,
a delicate edge
to protect the weak underside.

08. October 2001
Yes, this is from a lifetime ago.

exhaustion

© 2011 Chip Bulgin

Double Sided Sticky Tape

looking through the frame
you see the girl
her gaze
her pose
you know what all is going on

but you miss the other half
because I am pleasing everyone
posing for you
and the one behind me
that you can't see

pulled in both directions
instructed from two mouths
captured by two cameras
I might short circuit and fall over

so I hold up my hands
and step away
take a break for my sanity

sometimes the break lasts longer than I intend

Some lessons are timeless...and some are remedial

these layers keep peeling off,
each husk revealing
another brittle, ambivalent feeling—
the double attraction to
polar opposites
as if every cell is infected
with apathy
and also self-sacrificing affection.
syrup runs through my veins
at a crawling pace
but I waved the white flag months ago
even as I trudged forward
to this dead end.
my greatest intentions couldn’t save me
from my need to destroy everything I want.
now, left here in a mess of collapsed efforts
and burned-out patience
I still haven’t learned
not to pull so hard
peel the unripe
and let nature take its course
while I hold back my own filthy hands.

16 feb 2009

illusion

I am
never running
to chase the next best
but chasing down
something that should be still
I am
easily forgotten
a small particle
of your memory
when you move on to
your true purpose
how many would
recognize my face
my story
my design
if it were in front of them
but can't recall
who that shadow belonged to
how many would
even remember my name
unless we met again
none, I fear
yet there is solace
in anonymity
to reinvent this form
leave behind one more messy event
and deny a memory I wish
would disappear
always on the run
chasing that
which can't be stilled.




from Emergent - Boston

we've come so far so fast

(but it feels like it took forever)

eye contact

der Spiegel

twice now I've stumbled
across a vision
I'd rather ignore

a view of who I've become
after years of stretching
pulling and melting
into what I thought
were stronger

anticipation that
what ached would heal
has largely dissipated
but the numbing effects
have worn off

it goes on
and I continue to change
knowing that the day I don't
is the day I fail

it goes on
and each day
there is someone slightly different
looking out of the mirror

relax

it's a beautiful life

each of us clinging to a small piece of earth

heads heavy with the task

of keeping it sacred

if only to ourselves

this engine isn't going to keep chugging after the tracks end

thoughtless sprint toward the finish of nothing
success measured by an infinite number
of meaningless transactions
where do I add up in this mess

all my time inside my head
cut short
by the need to direct focus elsewhere
me, I can wait until later
after you are taken care of

makes me remember the old days
when life was so easy
that we would stay up all night
just to fight

now, I would rather sleep
than continue a pointless argument
funny how we didn't know that then
but it's obvious
once you have a few more
obligations on your plate

take a strong handful of the day
close my fingers around it
like everything else
the tighter my grip
the more it slips away

Memory

Copyright Perry Julien Photography 2010
Elizabeth photographed at the Chelsea, NYC, December 2010

This shoot is vivid in my memory. Wonderful afternoon of a busy weekend in New York. I love meeting new amazing people with admirable life philosophies.

Schluss

Silvery Stars, 2011