Some lessons are timeless...and some are remedial

these layers keep peeling off,
each husk revealing
another brittle, ambivalent feeling—
the double attraction to
polar opposites
as if every cell is infected
with apathy
and also self-sacrificing affection.
syrup runs through my veins
at a crawling pace
but I waved the white flag months ago
even as I trudged forward
to this dead end.
my greatest intentions couldn’t save me
from my need to destroy everything I want.
now, left here in a mess of collapsed efforts
and burned-out patience
I still haven’t learned
not to pull so hard
peel the unripe
and let nature take its course
while I hold back my own filthy hands.

16 feb 2009